I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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