Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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