She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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