oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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