oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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