Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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