My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
