dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
