Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i've created a new STD.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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