and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
