I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
