Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
