I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
