Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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