Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
