Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
