Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
