No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
