new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
