shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
