Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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