I can text with my tongue
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
well you can't waste a boner
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
