dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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