I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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