he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
