I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
