so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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