Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
