I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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