She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
