Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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