Don't you send me to vm
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
