Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I looked at my own cervix.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I currently don't understand fingers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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