the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
