So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
