here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
