I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
