remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
