dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
