I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need help removing her.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
