This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How external is "for external use only"?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize