Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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