I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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