$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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