My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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