So drunk its hurt
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
