I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
