Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
