Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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