rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
we're so committed to being not committed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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