R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
