I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Alive.
So much puke
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
