....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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