both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
