Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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