dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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