Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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