My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i dont even know how to be here
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
