someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
