And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
