i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
