they need to just BURY HIM!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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