You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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