piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?