just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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