me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night