Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.

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(905): View more from Ontario

They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(314): View more from Missouri

Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.

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(407): View more from Florida

It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere

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