You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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