he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
